So, I don’t think I have ever admitted this before – my brother took his own life.
The story surrounding my brother’s death is anything but simple. For years I thought my brother had been murdered – I couldn’t fathom that he actually took his own life. I didn’t want to accept that as reality. I was extremely mad and I wanted JUSTICE! My family & I flooded the sheriff’s office convinced that my brother had been murdered, I am not even sure my family doesn’t still consider him murdered.
His death certificate lists suicide as cause of death.
If I could tell someone who is contemplating suicide one thing, it would be that suicide does not stop the pain. In fact, it magnifies the pain by 120%. I will never forget standing by the wood line and watching as they brought my brother’s body out in a body bag. I will never forget hearing my mom scream. She was on the ground rocking back and forth saying “I can hear him calling for momma. I can hear him calling for me.” I connected with her on a different level that day. I too am a momma, and I realized she was crying out for her baby.
Want to hear something even crazier? I have also contemplated the same thing, suicide. It was right after my divorce and about 3 years after my brother’s death. That was the darkest and scariest time of my life. Who would imagine someone like me who knows how selfish suicide was actually considering it?! It’s easy to say don’t do it when your life isn’t dark, but completely different when you are down in the valley of despair.
The only thing that saved me was reaching out to someone and letting them know what shape I was in. I had a friend that would allow me to call them even at 3 A.M. just so I wouldn’t get to that low point again. Thank God for angels here on this earth.
If you find yourself at a point in your life where you really don’t care about going on, reach out for help. Nobody will think you’re weak or just wanting attention. Suicide is a real thing that happens to a lot of people, there is nothing embarrassing about it. Look at me, I am a pretty smart girl with a great job and I too have been there. Lots of people have been there. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH.
If you are ever in a situation to help someone who is depressed and thinking about suicide then you have been given an opportunity to become a saving grace in someone’s life. Just be there and listen to them. Sacrifice 30 minutes of sleep so they can call you at 3 A.M. when the silence is just too much to bear. Encourage them and offer to join them in going to a support group. NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, has groups in lots of cities that discuss things like depression, suicide, etc. FIND SUPPORT|NAMI
It’s my mission to help people who have dealt with depression, anxiety, PTSD and suicide. There is this stigma that if you deal with any of these issues that you’re broken or not stable. I have a strong faith in God, three wonderful kids, amazing friends, a great career and overall good life. It takes lots of prayer and positive self talk, but I am able to lead a productive and healthy life. You can too, I promise.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.